A dream

I could feel hands up my thigh. I stiffened, shifted, ignored them. Hands up my thigh again. "I don't want to". Hand wandering, pulling, clawing. "I don't want to". Hands in places i didn't want them. "Don't". Hands tugging, feeling. "Don't". "You'll like it". "Don't". But he did. "Don't". He didn't care. "Don't". Hands, hard, rough. Rip. Tears dancing down pink cheeks. Sweat oozing from foreheads. "Don't". But he did. Hands grasping wrists. I whimpered, i cried, i couldn't. But he did.

Tip

She fumbles around and tucks herself in. She buries her head between her small paws and looks up, big eyed, at the world. Nothing is there except me looking down and smiling a smile that is hers. There is nothing so sweet as a kitty asleep and cuddled up tight in a bed. Especially when a kiss on the head makes a sound that is magical and bright. Brrrf she says as we snuggle so close and brrrf again when i stroke her nose. I like how she breathes and she likes my heart beat, so up on my chest she curls. And that's how we sleep some nights, and other nights curled on our sides and sometimes sprawled across the bed. It's nice having someone there when your someone can't be.

Anniversary

Anniversary. Such a hollow word when love is lost. A broken word that means too much. And all the same it means so little. Why love something that cannot be had? Why love a time that never was? It hurts to wish for something just out of reach. And yet i hold on to the glimmers of hope, all the while knowing my wish cannot come true. Tragic, really, a love that cannot be, a love that never really was, a love that felt more real than anything ever could. Two years ago my life changed some, i saw myself so clearly, i felt love and i loved in return. And as i sit here, staring at moments long ago lost, i wonder if we could ever have each other. Sometimes i am convinced the answer is yes, other times i am just as convinced that the answer is no. I suppose time will tell which is true. I suppose further anniversaries may come and go before i'll ever find an answer.

We broke.

There was a break in time and space, through which we slipped. In each other’s presence we disappeared. It was brief, but even brief bliss is bliss none the less. Unfortunately perfect worlds never exist for long, especially when reality sits in the shadows waiting to strike. And all the more unfortunate was how stifling reality became with each escape we made. Our moments will not soon disappear, not as long as memory remains: the many voyeurs who previewed our lives, the fleeting embraces we longed to hold onto, the smiles and tears and broken ‘I love you’s’, it all drifts in the constant ocean of my memory.